Episode 2
tropicHOLE: Kip’s Story
Kip grew up LDS in American Samoa, where drag queens were celebrated onstage — and sometimes in his own living room. His story is about navigating that unique cultural backdrop, coming out to his Relief Society president mom before military deployment, and discovering who he really was through hookups, relationships, and self-reflection.
Importantly, Kip is bisexual, and his story reflects the complexity of attraction, identity, and relationships across genders.
Highlights from Kip’s story include:
- Drag queens, church leadership, and a Samoan coming-out story.
- The Irish accent beach hookup fantasy.
- Catfishing the catfish — and nearly confronting him in person.
- Four years in a relationship with a man who never left his wife.
- Redefining love, sex, and open relationships on his own terms.
Kip’s journey is equal parts playful, raw, and deeply honest — a reminder that sometimes the most radical act is simply telling the truth.
Transcript
Welcome back to Story Hole. Loads of gay stories. Today's load comes from Kip. Kip grew up on a tropical island where contradictions ran the show.
Think church on Sunday, drag queens on Friday, and a boy just trying to figure out which parts of his life he's allowed to keep.
From his first sparks of curiosity to the moments that pushed him to be fully honest, Kip's story is all about living in those contradictions and finally breaking free of them. This is Kip. Sometimes the path to knowing yourself starts in the most unexpected places. For some people, it's a moment of revelation.
For others, it's a slow discovery over years. And sometimes it starts with a drag queen named Pauline moving into your family home.
Kip:She was amazing. She probably was my favorite person on that island. She was a drag queen. She loved having, like, this huge, frizzy hair with curls.
She had, like, orange highlights in this, like, really kind of brown brunette hair. And I. I thought she was just the most beautiful person ever.
Matt:That's Kip. And that story about Pauline, well, it's coming.
But first, let me tell you about where Kip comes from, because understanding that makes everything else make sense.
Kip grew up in a culture that might surprise you, because when most people think about Pacific Islander communities and LGBTQ acceptance, they probably don't expect what Kip's about to tell us in the next few minutes.
Kip:I was born and raised in American Samoa, so. Oh. Also, my name's kip.
Matt:American Samoa, 2,500 miles southwest of Hawaii. Population around 55,000. Traditional Polynesian culture meets American territory.
And Kip's family, members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Kip:I grew up lds. My mom is a Relief Society president. So as she hears this, please, mom, close your eyes or close your ears.
Matt:Probably a good idea, because the Relief Society president, it's a serious church leadership position for women in the LDS Church. We're talking weekly meetings, organizing service projects, and helping out dozens of families at the same time.
This is not a casual Mormon household, but here's where it gets interesting, because in Samoa, there's something that exists alongside the conservative religious culture, something that would blow most people's minds.
Kip:Samoans are so open to the idea of, like, gay people, but specifically, like, drag queens. I don't know if you know this, but we have a pageant, a drag queen pageant called the Miss Tutti Frutti Pageant. Okay.
And so, like, my family loves that pageant.
Matt:The Miss Tutti Frutti Pageant. Let me paint this picture for you. This isn't some underground event. This is mainstream entertainment in Samoa.
Families gather to watch kids know all the contestants. It's basically the super bowl of drag.
Kip:It's just so entertaining, and all Samoans love it.
It's just fun seeing, like, all these men dress up and have these drag Personas and, like, have amazing talents, too, and they would come out with these costumes, these dresses, and everyone loves the Mistuti Frutti pageant on the island.
Matt:Think about that contradiction for a second. Deeply religious Mormon families sitting together, cheering for drag queens. In most places, that would be unthinkable. But in Samoa, it's tradition.
And for a young Kip, questioning his own identity was watching his family embrace these performers, that was everything. But loving a pageant and accepting your own son are two different things.
Kip:And it all became, like, kind of apparent to me how accepting my family was. And it was like, maybe they aren't as accepting. Maybe they just, like the pageant for, like, the entertainment value.
Matt:Right? Because enjoying a show is different from having it in your own living room, which is exactly what happened next.
Kip: ind of changed back in, like,: Matt:Yep, that's Pauline the drag queen who would change everything for Kip's understanding and of his family.
Kip:She was looking for a place to stay, and my mom was the one that was just like, pauline, you should just stay with us. And so, like, she was able to, like, stay with my family for almost, I think, a year. And she was great.
She would always, like, keep things so lively around the. Around our family.
Matt:Picture this. The Relief Society president, the woman responsible for the spiritual welfare of dozens of LDS families, opens her home to a drag queen for a year.
Kip:And that's when I knew I was just like, holy, shoot, I think I might be able to come out with my family. I think this is like.
And that's kind of the point where I was just like, okay, maybe it's okay for me to be kind of honest and true to who I feel like I am. You know.
Matt:One drag queen living in the family home. And suddenly a closeted teenage Kip could see a different possibility for his life. Not just tolerance, acceptance, real acceptance.
But even with Pauline as proof of his family's capacity for love, coming out wouldn't be easy, because there's a big difference between being okay with drag queens and being okay with your son being attracted to men. And Kip was about to find that out the hard way. Before we get to the coming out story.
l Pacific island in the early: Kip:I think, like, as a young kid, I've always been curious, I think, and that's something I've never embraced my curiosity.
Matt:For, like, sex curious. That's how Kip describes it.
And when you're a curious teenager, a on an island with limited privacy and even more limited Internet access, you get creative.
Kip:Oh, it was tough. I think back then, I only had access to a couple of other curious Samoan dudes, you know, a couple of.
Matt:Other curious guys, which led to what Kip describes as a weird kind of.
Kip:Boy scout sleepover situation. We were all camping and. And this is like a Samoan thing, but everyone, like, sleeps under this, like, tent, right? Pretty spaced out is huge.
So a lot of us. There were probably like 12 boys in there, you know, pretty spaced out. But I was sleeping next to this one guy who was pretty friendly to me.
And I like, we're pretty good friends. And it just kind of turned into, like, late nights, kind of creeping fingers over and just, like, rubbing each other. And I was like, holy shoot.
I don't know what's going on.
Matt:12 boys in a tent. Hormones, darkness. And two curious teenagers figuring things out through tentative touches. Classic teenage experimentation, Samoa style.
g up on a small island in the: Kip:But, you know, what did I have access to, though? PSP. You know, those, like, little, like, handheld PlayStation things. Yeah, you can browse the Internet on those.
Matt:A PlayStation Portable. PSP with Internet access. Kip had found his gateway.
Kip:I didn't have videos. I read. I read, like, fan fiction. Is it fan fiction? Gay fiction?
I collected that shit like Thanos with Infinity Stones, because those were some good ones.
Matt:I collected that shit like Thanos with the Infinity Stones. To be honest, I didn't even know what he was talking about. But that just goes to show I'm not really part of the Marvel Universe.
But I love the comparison. Kip wasn't just casually reading gay fiction, though. He was curating a collection, becoming a connoisseur.
And it turns out starting with written erotica instead of visual porn had a lasting impact on how his imagination works.
Kip:The reading part, though, is what I liked about it, is that there was a story, you know, there wasn't Just like a, hey, two hot people throwing their bodies against each other. It was just a lead up. It's like, hey, we're going on a friend's trip in the cabin and we're all driving up. Silence happens.
But there's eye contact and body language that kind of ensues up to the point where it just all collides, and it's just like, holy shit. This is the best sex ever.
Matt:Context. Story. Buildup.
While other teenagers were discovering grainy Internet videos, Kip was developing his imagination through narrative, which, as it turns out, created some pretty vivid dreams.
Kip:I think I. I mean, I remember maybe like, five times I was in the army, and I had, like, wet dreams. And it's. It's bad. The first night I slept in, like, a bunk.
I had this, like, dream about this, like, girl, girl coming over, and she and I, like, had the best sex ever. This was the first time it's happened. But, like, I remember waking up and I was just like, that was a wild dream.
And then, like, trying to, like, get up to go to the bathroom and realizing that my pants were soaked. I was just like, what in the actual happened?
Matt:There's Kip at 18 years old in army basic training, having his first wet dream about a woman. Because, remember, he's bi and waking up completely confused about what happened to his body.
All that reading instead of watching, it supercharged his imagination in ways that would serve him well later. Fast forward a few years. Kip's 18, he's joined the army, and he's about to be deployed to Kuwait. For most people, that would be enough stress.
But Kip had something else weighing on him. A secret he'd been carrying since those nights in the tent, since those hours reading fiction on his PSP.
And when you're 18 years old, about to be sent halfway around the world, and you don't know if you're coming back, sometimes that makes you brave enough to finally tell the truth. There's something about deployment that cuts through all the normal excuses for waiting. No more. I'll tell them next year or maybe after graduation.
When you're facing the possibility of never seeing your family again, secrets become unbearable.
Kip:I think I was motivated by a lot of things. One of them being that I was getting deployed to Kuwait. And so, like, right after training, I got out and I was stationed in California.
And then, like, the next week I was there, I found out that the unit was set to. Was assigned to deploy to Kuwait.
Matt:Try to picture that you're 18. You just finished basic Training, you're barely an adult and trying to figure out how to start your adult life.
And boom, deployment orders a week into your new assignment.
Kip:And so I was just like, holy shoot, here I am, 18 years old. I just turned 18. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what life has in store for me. And I feel like I could lose it all possibly. I don't know.
Matt: rst case scenarios. Kuwait in:But tell that to an 18 year old who's only known island living his whole life. So Kip made a decision. If he was going to risk everything for his country, his mom deserved to know who he really was.
Kip:But yeah, the conversation just was like, hey, mom, do you want to go on a drive? And my mom's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go.
And so, like, we drove around and I was just talking to her how, checking the, you know, checking out how she feels about me deploying.
Matt:And then smart strategy. Start with the deployment. Get her talking about her fears for his safety. Create an emotional opening.
Kip:Eventually, just pulled over in the liquor store parking lot, and I was just like, mom, I like guys.
Matt:A liquor store parking lot. Oh, the irony. Growing up in a Mormon household, not exactly the romantic sunset or meaningful location you'd script for this moment.
But sometimes the most important conversations happen in the most random places. And his mom's reaction, well, it wasn't exactly what you'd expect from someone who'd housed Pauline for a year.
Kip:Yeah, she was just like, kind of shocked a little bit. I think she's always known that. I, like, have talked to a couple girls, and she knows about the girls. She knows them because they're all Samoan.
But she's also. I don't know, I feel like she knew.
Matt:She knew on some level. She'd always known. Which is the thing about coming out, half the time, you're not really surprising anyone.
You're just finally saying out loud what everyone's been quietly understanding. But knowing your kid might be different and hearing them say it are two very different experiences.
Kip:But, yeah, my mom was a little shocked, I think. I mean, like, typically she. She just said that I was possibly going to hell.
Matt:And there it is.
The Relief Society president who welcomed a drag queen into her home, who cheered at the Tutti Frutti pageant, telling her son he might be going to hell.
Kip:I think it's different when it's your Kid, you know, it's just like anyone else can do it, and that's fine. But, like, when it's my kid, it's different, right?
Matt:Other people's kids can be gay, trans different, that's fine. But when it's your child, suddenly all the acceptance gets complicated by expectations, hopes, dreams you've built around their future.
And for Kip's mom, one fear dominated everything else.
Kip:But I don't know, but she. I think she mostly was worried about me not having kids.
Matt:In a Samoan family where Kip has seven siblings, where big families are the norm, where continuing the family line is sacred, that hit hard. But here's what's remarkable about this story. Kip's mom didn't disown him. She didn't kick him out.
She didn't demand he see a bishop or go through conversion therapy. She expressed her fears, her disappointment, her worry about his eternal soul. And then she let him go to Kuwait, knowing who he was.
Sometimes acceptance doesn't look like celebration.
Sometimes it looks like a mom in a liquor store parking lot processing the gap between who she thought her son was and who he actually is and choosing love anyway. So Kip deployed to Kuwait as an openly bisexual soldier, well, open to his mom anyway.
The army in:Well, nah, they weren't covered in any official training manual.
Kip:Just being away from family, being able to, like, have my own space in the military, I was able to explore both avenues, which was fun.
Matt:Both avenues, men and women.
And Kip discovered that military life, despite all the rules and regulations, offered some unique opportunities for someone willing to break a few of them.
Kip:It all involved, like, a little bit of alcohol, of course, and then just flirting, ending up in someone's bunk bed and being like, hey, what's going on? But, yeah, it's just like sneaking away into someone's bunk at the end of the night and just having some fun.
And then the next morning, everything's just normal.
Matt:We love a normal next morning. That's the key. These weren't romantic entanglements or complicated relationships. These were what Kip calls no strings attached encounters.
Kip:I think that's what I liked about it. It's just no strings were attached. We just had a little bit of fun. And then the next day, it was Just back to training.
Matt:But sneaking into someone's bunk isn't exactly simple. When you're in the military, there are officers, regulations, people watching. So how do you navigate that?
Kip:Oh, you can sneak in. So the. The thing is that, like, there. There is an officer that, like, watches after each bunk, like, the male and female bunks, but they also.
The officers that watch sometimes are just like, hey, you guys, you know, as long as we have a guard set up, we're fine. Okay, so, like, I'll go home. You two are in charge of, like, doing the rotations for, like, the Wong.
Matt:Ah, the fire guard system. Someone always has to be awake watching over everyone else. But if you know the right people.
Kip:Because pretty much someone has to, like, stay awake while everyone's asleep. So as long as you know the right people, like, oh, yeah, someone's on fire guard duty tonight. That's easy. Like, I could talk to them.
Like, you could totally come over and we can have some fun.
Matt:The system in place to maintain order becomes the system that enables breaking the rules. Classic military irony. And Kip loved that aspect of it.
Kip:Yeah, I mean, I love that kind of excitement. It's just like, there's a system in place and rules are supposed to be followed.
But then, like, here you are, the outlier, and you can just go, I don't know, do, like, different things that are outside of the lines. And it was fun.
Matt:That's how Kip saw himself. Not as someone breaking rules, but as someone finding creative ways to exist within them. The system said, don't ask, don't tell.
It didn't say, don't explore. And explore he did with both men and women.
Kip:So this one girl, Bert and I had been, like, kind of flirting back and forth. Like, in training. We had the same job, so we, her and I, like, just connected instantly and kind of, like, were friends for a while.
And it kind of evolved into, like, a more sexual situation, especially when alcohol is involved. And so, yeah, she was. She was fucking great. Her. And I would, like, drink, go up to her bed, and then, I mean.
Matt:Kip pauses right there, smiling at the memory. And I ask, what made those experiences special?
Kip:Yeah, oral sex, I think. It's like, I love giving oral sex, you know? And so it's just like, either if it's a guy or girl. Like, it's. It's so entertaining, I think, for me.
And it turned me on.
Matt:There it is. What makes Kip tick sexually? He's a giver. Whether it's men or women, what gets him going is getting his partner going.
Which makes perfect sense for someone who's truly bisexual. Rather than just experimenting.
Kip:I feel like I prefer. I prefer a good. Good, like eating out, I think. Definitely think pussy just tastes way better and kind of is just fun to eat more than an ass.
Matt:Ahhhhh Okay. That's okay. But the military gave Kip something beyond just sexual experiences.
It gave him permission to be someone different than that good Mormon boy from Samoa.
Kip:Sometimes I feel like the best experiences I've had on Grindr were just me not being that sort of, like, Mormon boy kind of thing. You know, kind of being like a little slut.
Matt:Yeah, girl. Attaboy. That's not shame talking. That's liberation.
For someone who grew up with strict religious expectations, military life offered a chance to accept, explore parts of himself that had been locked away.
The curious kid reading gay fiction on his PSP has grown into a young man comfortable with his desires, his sexuality, his ability to connect with both men and women. So Kip finished his eight years in the military with a pretty solid education under his belt. Not the kind they give you a certificate for.
More like a masterclass in being comfortable with your own desires, knowing what you want, and not apologizing for any of it.
When he moved to Utah to be closer to family, he brought all of that confidence with him, which is when he discovered what might be the greatest invention of the 21st century for someone with his particular skill set.
Kip:Uh, it's just be horny, really. Yeah, I feel like everyone should have those, just so you can recognize what you want.
Matt:He's talking about hookups, the educational kind. And for someone like Kip, confident, experienced, comfortable with casual encounters. Dating apps weren't intimidating.
They were like, discovering fire. He had some genuinely memorable experiences along the way, like the time an accent made all the difference.
Kip:And I think a good experience, maybe. And this is just maybe from my perspective, because I was just so comfy. Was in California. This guy I met up with, I think I just liked his accent.
He was Irish.
Matt:An Irish accent. Sometimes attraction is that simple. A voice that makes your brain go quiet and your body wake up.
Kip:And so, like, him. And I just headed off, and he was a little bit older, and he took me to this, like, really good. I think, like, coastal.
It was his house, but he, like, lived right next to, like, the beach. And it was just a cool experience. I don't think I've ever been in that kind of situation before.
Matt:Think about it. You're from American Samoa.
You've been living in military barracks, and suddenly you're with this Irish guy in a house that's literally on the beach in California. That's not just a hookup. That's a whole fantasy materializing.
Kip:I think it was mostly oral. I don't remember, but I just remember feeling, like, so not myself.
Matt:I think so not myself. And for Kip, that's the highest compliment he can give a sexual experience.
When you can step completely outside the identity you grew up with and just exist in your body with someone who's making you feel incredible.
Kip:Yeah, you kind of just, like, are a different person on there, so it's nice, especially when you're young.
Matt:That's the real magic of apps for someone from Kipp's background. They're not just about finding people to sleep with. They're portals to versions of yourself that don't exist in your regular life.
The version that's just about desire and connection and pleasure without all the baggage. But being attractive on Grindr comes with its own unique problems, especially when people decide they want. Want to literally be you.
After four years in a relationship, which we'll get to that in a minute, Kip got back on the apps and discovered that being hot on Grindr can create some truly bizarre situations, especially when Grindr has changed quite a bit since the last time you used it.
Kip:Shoot albums. I don't think albums was the thing. Yeah. Expiring photos. Also, like, the ability to unsand locations. Such a good. Such a good thing.
Kip:Yeah. Not for the guy that, like, catfished my pictures, because I literally was gonna pull up to his house.
I was like, oh, I'm right outside right now, so. But he blocked me. But hold up.
Matt:Someone was catfishing using Kip's pictures.
Kip:I. I can't believe. Whoa. I can. But it's just. It's fun kind of when people use your pictures and they send it back to you, you're just like, oh, this is gonna be so good.
Matt:All right, let me get this straight. Someone stole Kip's photos, used them to create a fake profile, and then sent those same photos back to Kip, trying to hook up with him later on.
The audacity. The complete, shameless audacity.
Kip:And so I would have a. Yeah, I have a torso pic on my, like, profile. And then this guy was just like. Him and I were talking. He didn't have a profile picture or anything. And I was just like, you know, hey, what's up?
And then we kind of got to the point of, like. I was like, no, I'm fine. Like, I Don't really want to talk. And then he sent me his album, and it was all like, my pictures.
I was just like, well, how in the actual fuck did you get these?
Matt:Most people might just block and move on, but Kip. Kip saw an opportunity for justice.
Kip:Yeah, I was mad because I was just like, how are you sending people my pictures? That's crazy. And I honestly don't think comfortable with that. So I was like, okay, well, I was kind of making the intention to meet up with him.
And so I was like, yeah, I'm so down. I sent him, like, a couple of pictures that I found on the Internet, and I was just like, sorry, Twitter.
Matt:Users, this is beautiful. Kip catfished the catfish using someone else's photos. The hunter becomes the hunted.
Kip:And so I was just like, send me your location. It'll be fun. Like, we'll hook up. He sent it to me, and I was just like, okay, cool. I'm on the way. I'm gonna beat your ass. And then he was like, why?
I was like, you're using all my pictures, dude, Are you fucking kidding me?
Matt:The reveal. I'm on the way. I wanna beat your ass. That is some poetry in motion.
Kip:And luckily, I pulled up and it was an apartment, and I couldn't find his apartment. So I was just like, okay, fine, I'm done. But at least he knows. I think, like, scaring him a little bit is a good option.
Matt:Kip drove to this guy's apartment complex with every intention of confronting him face to face about stealing his photos. That's some commitment to justice.
Kip:Yeah, I felt so mad. I was just like, I don't want you to sending these to anyone. And I can't believe you are so.
Matt:And this is why Kip is more cautious about sharing photos now. When your own images get weaponized against you, it changes how you navigate digital spaces.
But catfishing drama aside, Kip also had some real relationships, including one that lasted four years. It taught him some of the things that he knows he wants and. And definitely doesn't want in a partner.
Let's talk about Kip's longest relationship for a minute. Four years with a guy who had a kid, an ex wife, and a divorce that was always being worked on. If that sounds messy, yeah, it's because it was.
Kip:Yeah, he was bi also. He had a kid and was trying to divorce his ex wife. And it was just. I remember it being super complicated.
He's kind of a little bit older than me, but had this kid early, like super early on. Mostly like, right after high school, guy.
Matt:Gets married young, has a kid, realizes he's also attracted to men, and is supposedly working through a divorce. For Kip, fresh out of the military and looking for his first serious relationship with a guy, this felt like a chance at real partnership.
But there was a hierarchy that became clear pretty quickly.
Kip:And so it was kind of hard for me being at kind of my first ever, like, serious gay relationship, because it was like, well, here I am. And then here I am on his priority list. Here's him, and then here's his daughter, and then his ex wife probably, like, right above me.
Matt:So fourth place in his first serious relationship with a man. Kip was fourth on the priority list. Him, daughter, ex wife, then Kip. Most people would walk away from that dynamic, but Kip had hope.
Kip:I think I just really thought. I think. And this is what he was telling me is just. He was working on the divorce, and it was gonna be finalized pretty soon.
And there's a lot of, like, lawyers and mediators kind of involved. And I was like, okay, cool. It'll work out. It'll work out. Just gotta give it time.
Matt:Just gotta give it time. The eternal optimist's response to a complicated situation. And Kip gave it time. Four years of time. But here's what made it even more complex.
Kip actually liked the ex wife.
Kip:I loved her. Yeah, she was great. She's a great person. Really enjoyed, like, getting to know her and hanging out with her.
Also really loved just getting to know her, his daughter. She was super cool.
Matt:This wasn't a bitter divorce with fighting and custody battles. This was three adults who genuinely liked each other trying to figure out how to reorganize their lives around new truths.
Kip:I wanted to be a part of his life, you know, and ultimately his daughter's life. And kind of saw that because she would stay with us for a while, too.
And it was just fun, like, having that kind of, I guess, that kind of familial life in view.
Matt:Kip could see the future. Him as a stepdad, a real family unit, everyone getting along. It looked perfect. It felt possible.
Kip:100%. Yeah. I thought it was just one of the paths that I would see in the future for me. So I was pretty excited about it.
I thought it looked pretty good, the chances of me being there.
Matt:But there was one problem, a big problem, the divorce that was always being worked on. It never actually got worked on.
Kip:But I think, like, ultimately I just never had that after, like, so many years of hearing, oh, yeah, we'll work on the divorce papers. It's gonna be finalized pretty soon. And it never happened. I was just like, ah, I think I'm done. So I think it all, like, burnt out from that.
Matt:Four years. Four years of it's gonna be finalized pretty soon. Four years of being fourth on the priority list, waiting for a future that never came.
Kip:And a couple years later, I was just like, so, actually, how are you doing with the divorce thing? He was like, well, it's still the same place it was. And I was like, now I'm kind of sus.
And I. I'm out of patience, so I don't want to do this anymore. I'm going to move on.
Matt:After four years, that's when Kip realized he'd been holding onto a promise that was never going to be kept.
Kip:It was just. It was just. I think I just ran out of patience. I ran out of patience and, like, care of being like, well, you know what?
If I could feel this with you right now, I could probably. You're okay with, like, meeting someone else and having the same situation. So.
Matt:The realization that if you can feel love and connection with one person, you can find it with someone else. Someone who won't keep you in fourth place for four years.
So Kip ended it after investing four years in a relationship, a family dynamic, a future that kept getting postponed, and then he found out still why the divorce never happened.
Kip:I feel like I want to take a break from dating for probably, like, a year or so. You know, I think that probably is where I'm leaning because I also did just find out that, like, well, they. And, yeah, they moved in together. The.
My. Yeah, my ex and his ex wife. So they live together now with the kid.
Matt:They moved in together.
After four years of telling Kip the divorce was being worked on, his ex and his ex wife decided to give their marriage another try, which means for four years, Kip was essentially the other man in a relationship that may never end.
Kip:And it's just like, how does that work?
Matt:How does that work, indeed? How do you spend four years with someone who's supposedly ending their marriage only to discover they've decided to recommit to it?
You love someone or you think you do? That's a question. Kip is still processing along with what it means for his approach to future relationships.
After that relationship where he was competing with a marriage that wasn't actually ending, Kip is rethinking what he wants moving forward. And his conclusions he's come to might surprise you when I ask about open relationships. His response is immediate, thoughtful, simple.
Kip:Open relationships. I respect them.
Matt:They're cool. And could he see himself in one?
Kip:I think so, yeah.
Matt:For someone who just got out of a situation where he was essentially sharing his partner with an ex wife, you might expect him to want exclusivity. But Kip's thinking is more complex than that.
Kip:Oh, I think a lot of people think open relationships are. Are gonna fail. I think they just kind of lead to failure. But I don't know. I've never. I've never kind of experienced.
I actually, Yeah, I think I would see myself in an open relationship. I. I feel like I just have more of. I have a more. I. I want to exude this, but, like, I feel like I'd be okay with.
With, like, my partner kind of having, like, fun with someone else. I kind of, like, am into that, and it kind of, like, turns me on.
So, like, I'd be fine with that, and as long as you're fine with me having fun with someone else.
Matt:There's something refreshing about Kip's honesty here. He's not just theoretically okay with open relationships. He's genuinely turned on by the idea of his partner. Partner being with other people.
And would he want to play together or separate?
Kip:I'd do both. Yeah. I'd do Desi. Both.
Matt:That comes from someone who's comfortable with his own sexuality, who doesn't see sex as something that diminishes when shared. Maybe it's the military experience, maybe it's the bisexuality. Maybe it's just his personality.
But Kip has a mature understanding that love and sex don't have to be the same thing.
Kip:I feel like I'm pretty. Pretty easygoing.
Matt:I mean, do you think I'm easygoing from our conversation? Yeah, definitely.
Kip has the kind of personality that could probably navigate the communication and emotional complexity that open relationships require. But right now, he's just taking a break from all of it.
After the Irish guy with the beach house, after the catfishing drama, after four years of being fourth on the priority list, Kip is focusing on himself, figuring out what he wants, what he won't accept, what kind of relationship would actually work for him. He's 31 years old, living in Utah, surrounded by his big Samoan LDS family who love him enough to house drag queens and accept bisexual sons.
He's got eight years of military experience.
Experience, a clear understanding of his sexual preferences, and a story that spans from boy Scout tents in American Samoa to beach houses in California and now to Utah he's taking his time to figure out what comes next. So that's Kip. Still curious, still exploring, still being honest about who he is and what he wants.
Still the kid who collected gay fiction like in 15 infinity stones. Now grown into a man who knows that sometimes the most radical thing you can do is simply tell the truth in a liquor store parking lot.
To your relief, Society president Mother. Right before you get deployed.
Kip:Drag. Um. Shoot. Does dressing up as one of the muses from Hercules count? I don't know.
Matt:Sometimes that's where the real story begins.
